SOS - Call the Moolah Doula!

If you’d asked me twenty years ago whether I would be helping couples heal their money woes, I would have laughed! At that time, I was in a loving yet co-dependent marriage to a fiscally mismatched partner. In many important ways, we were a great pair. Yet when it came to money, we may as well have been living on different planets.

Many therapists often face money issues when working with couples. Money-related conflicts are cited as one of the leading causes of divorce. It's understandable considering money and stress go hand in hand. Financial pressures do not discriminate. They cut across socioeconomic lines, degrees of education, age and gender. Money plays a profound and complicated role in our lives and when emotions get triggered, conversations between partners can often be explosive.

So why does money create such intense struggle? Arguments about money are often not about money. My work as the Moolah Doula is to help couples navigate overextended budgets, mismatched financial priorities and the inability to compromise on spending. The goal is to help find balance between the freedom money provides and the security it represents.

The most powerful force contributing to money stress is our personal money story crafted from our childhood experiences. I was raised with the belief that work was done to pay the bills and if you balanced your checkbook and saved a little each month, you were successful. My husband was raised to believe money was meant to be enjoyed and spent as soon as it rolled in. Looking back, it's clear to see how our distinctly different money stories led to fear and miscommunication.

Money is loaded with power and meaning that can quickly turn an innocent question such as “Did you pick up milk?” into a heated and hurtful debate. Understanding each partner’s underlying feelings about money is the first step towards finding peaceful common ground. Money represents different things to each person. For some, it stands for freedom or safety. For others, it symbolizes power or self-worth. Healing can only begin when couples understand their spouse’s underlying money story.

Once this has been achieved, couples move into sharing their individual life dreams. This gives a relationship the opportunity to have a profound and deeper sense of shared meaning. Planning to make these dreams a reality based on strong financial principles fosters trust in shared goals. Collaboration on short, medium and long-term goals creates a grounded blueprint for peaceful discussions. By respecting each other’s deepest and most personal dreams, partners come back to the underlying reasons why they chose to come together in the first place.

By Joanna Leffeld aka The Moolah Doula

"Financial Planning & Wellness in the Hudson Valley" - Chronogram February 2018

Hudson Valley Money Experts Offer Tips for Financial Health

by Wendy Kagan

The last thing you might expect a financial mentor to do is begin a meeting with meditation. Money doesn't exactly feel like Zen territory. Or does it? My recent introductory session with financial wellness coach Joanne Leffeld starts with eyes closed, sitting tall in my chair, hands light on my lap. "Take a couple of deep, cleansing breaths and make sure both feet are grounded on the earth," she says. "If there's any tension, release it now." The peaceful entrée seems antithetical to what is to come: a journey with money and finances, which can make any heart beat faster and more anxiously. 

Yet it's the perfect place to begin. Leffeld, a self-titled "moola doula" who helps people give birth to a better relationship with money, is a former certified financial planner and erstwhile yoga teacher, and she draws from both backgrounds to help people create a new comfort level with finances. It is a terrain that often frightens people: Money almost always ranks as the top stressor for Americans in opinion polls—the number one thing that strains marriages and keeps people up at night. "Money is one of those subjects that gets people so agitated, so overwhelmed, so full of shame, fear—you name it," says Leffeld, who is based in Rhinebeck and also offers sessions across the river at Woodstock Healing Arts. "It has such negative associations, yet it's only an energy. It's like the monster under the bed, but when you shine a flashlight on it you realize it's just a tiny bug..."

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The Take Care Fair - June 25, 2017

Today I exhibited and presented at the Take Care Fair in Hudson, NY.  It was a spectacularly beautiful summer day right by the Hudson Riverfront.  I was very impressed by both the caliber of exhibitors as well as the interesting people who were in attendance.  

It is amazing how hungry people are for meaning in their lives. The vast array of dedicated practitioners and holistic products was very comprehensive.  There were over twenty practitioners offering complementary sessions ranging from energy work to massage. 

So many people responded to my explanation of what a Moolah Doula is with "Oh my goodness, that is SO needed right now!"  In the afternoon when I gave my talk, I had a full house!  I feel very fortunate to have found my true purpose in helping people get grounded and clear in their relationship with money.  Too much suffering occurs when we ignore our sabotaging beliefs and behaviors around money.  It was wonderful to connect with so many people eager to make changes in their lives.  

I am looking forward to sharing my work through events and workshops similar to the Take Care Fair today in Hudson.

Moola Doula Sessions in New Paltz

After offering a couple of workshops at the Wellness Embodied Center in New Paltz, I have decided to offer office hours there.  Each time I get together with people from this community in the beautiful and safe haven Doree has created, I am humbled by participants' willingness to be open and conscientious about healing their relationship with money.  The sessions are deep and profound.  

As a result, I have decided to offer weekly hours with the hope that more members of the community will come to learn and be empowered in their relationship with money.  Now is the time to get clear and take control of budgeting, saving and investing.  Hope to see you there!

Money Talk: Teaching Teens Financial Responsibility

Most of us send our teenagers off to college without any lessons on saving or investing. And though the subject is critical to their success as adults, a discussion about whether to have a credit card, open a retirement account and when to begin a systematic investment plan often lead to yawns and eye-rolling. I am passionate about shifting this pattern and have worked very hard to create engaging, experiential workshops for teens old enough to receive working papers.

Interested in reading more?  Click the link below....

https://bestselfmedia.com/teaching-teens-financial-responsibility

CLOSING THE RETIREMENT LOOPHOLE

Why does saving for retirement seem so challenging for many of us?

What kind of retirement account should you choose?

What should you be investing your hard earned money in?  Where will it grow the fastest?

As a woman juggling a job and often children, how do you find time to plan for retirement and choose the right kind of investments?  With all the information available online, in financial magazines and promotional information that comes in the mail, choosing the right retirement vehicle is a daunting task. Knowing the importance of planning ahead, many women rely on retirement advisors to guide them.  Selecting the right plan (IRA, Roth IRA, SEP, 401 K) with the right investment (mutual fund, EFT’s and the like) requires time to study, evaluate risk and then complete the paperwork ALL before the tax day deadline!  As a result, whether signing up at a bank or brokerage firm, many Americans seek retirement advice from licensed financial consultants.

Yet, unbeknownst to most of us, loopholes in the retirement advice rules have allowed brokers and other advisers to recommend products that put their own profits ahead of their clients’ best interest hurting millions of Americans and their families to the tune of $17 billion dollars per year!    Enter the Department of Labor.  On April 6th of this year, the DOL proposed a new ruling which prohibits financial consultants from taking advantage of their clients through hidden fees and backdoor payments.  

Iit’s important to understand what this means in real dollars. As an example, a 1 percentage point lower return on your investment account could reduce your savings by more than a 25% over 35 years so that a $10,000 retirement investment that potentially grows to more than $38,000 over that period after adjusting for inflation, may in fact only result in just over $27,500.  How can this happen?  The hidden costs the new regulation are referring to can be in the form of an upfront sales charge, a back-end termination fee or an ongoing expense charge that ranges anywhere from .25% to 2%.    

So what is an expense ratio you may ask?

An expense ratio is a calculation of the annualized operating costs of a mutual fund divided by the average dollar value of the fund's average net assets and expressed as a percentage. The operating costs include management fees, but do not include brokerage fees and transaction costs that also may contribute to a fund's total expense. Operating expenses are taken out of a fund's assets and lower the return to a fund's investors. For example, an expense ratio of 1% equals $10 of expenses for every $1,000 in assets.

Upon closer inspection, these expense charges can add up to thousands of dollars over the term of your investment.  Here’s why: If 2% is charged up front on your initial investment of $10,000 that totals $200, but as the account appreciates and your funds grow to $18,000, each year the expense charge takes 2% or in this case,  $360 as part of their operating expense and that is an ongoing charge. These are the hidden costs the DOL is trying to bring to the public’s attention.  

Last year, President Obama called upon the Department of Labor to update the rules and requirements for retirement advisors to put the best interest of their clients above their own financial interests.  He was quoted as saying “ It’s a very simple principle: You want to give financial advice, you’ve got to put your client’s interests first.”  And while it is true that there is a large percentage of the population that is unprepared for retirement, the Department of Labor has decided to tighten their rules prohibiting financial consultants from taking advantage of their clients. The most vulnerable consumers are those looking to rollover assets from an employer plan.  After years of contributions, you have accumulated a substantial nest egg only to fall victim to a less than scrupulous financial advisor looking to capitalize on a sale.

So what can a person do?

Ask questions such as these:

1. Is there a sales charge associated with the recommendations the broker is suggesting?
2. What is the ongoing expense ratio the invested assets will be charged each year?
3. If you are working with an individual money manager, what percentage is he or she receiving each year?
4. What is the risk rating (beta rating) of the recommended investments?
5. Is there a back end charge if you decide to liquidate assets in the event funds are needed?
6. Are the recommendations in keeping with your time frame so if the market takes a turn, you are not exposed to unrecoverable losses?

And consider investing in a no load mutual fund family such as Vanguard, T Rowe Price or Fidelity.  With these fund families, there are no up front sales charge nor exorbitant expense ratios or hidden fees.

As a Moolah Doula, I focus on empowering women through knowledge.  My clients learn all they need to know about investing, purchasing insurance and long term planning in order to make educated, thoughtful decisions.  They prefer to educate themselves rather than give away their power to financial consultants or brokers.  They have heard countless stories about people being sold “a great investment” only to suffer financial losses with little recourse.  Knowledge is power and every woman has the freedom to make their own retirement decisions without paying fees to financial consultants who may be looking out for their own best interests.  It remains to be seen the effect this ruling will have on how financial consultants continue to work with people once they are required to put the client’s interest before their own.

Getting to the Heart of Money Matters

I know very few people who have an active, thriving relationship with their inner child. It’s as if the child we were, becomes replaced by the adult we become, without leaving a trace.  But, is it possible that we are mistaken? At what point in our transition from childhood to adult do we transform from rebellious or timid teenager and turn into responsible, grounded grown ups? 

I think for most of us, it isn’t so clear-cut. It’s interesting how as our children grow, we become aware of our own unresolved issues mirrored in their behaviors.  That’s what makes raising kids into teenagers such a challenge.  Perhaps many of us are still grappling with beliefs we never fully resolved at that age and we stand by feeling helpless as we watch our children go through the same trials and tribulations.

So why are we so disconnected from our inner child? When people are asked to describe in detail their closest childhood friends, they smile and without hesitation, launch into colorful descriptions of fond memories sharing lively stories of when they were kids together.  Yet, when it comes to identifying a connection with one’s own inner child, people are perplexed by this, finding the idea of her existence very challenging. The reason I mention this, is that often there can be a critical and painful disconnect between our “selves” and the child within. And it is this same child who may be wreaking havoc on your adult life!

How does this relate to our personal relationship with money?  During childhood, we learn lessons about money from all types of experiences some healthy, others confusing or even detrimental. For example, the child who is given gifts as a substitute for quality time with a parent may, as an adult, spend money without limits as a means of comforting oneself against pain and disappointment, with little concern for the financial devastation it may cause.  I had a client who thought nothing of spending $2000 on a handbag and then proceeded to burst into tears when the credit card bill arrived! This is a poignant example of one’s inner child wreaking havoc on her adult’s life.  Another example is that many people are concerned about credit card debt yet when they take a closer look at where their money is flowing out, they realize they may be spending some of their hard earned wages on things they don’t truly value. Upon closer inspection of their monthly statement, there are often charges that provide the inner child immediate relief or gratification but end up costing the adult much more in terms of increased financial stress when the bill comes in.  How are these buying decisions being influenced by our inner child?

Confusing messages about money are internalized at a young age.  It’s much easier to suppress uncomfortable feelings or distort their meaning to make ourselves feel better.  We use strategies to compensate for feelings of inadequacy or implement coping mechanisms to deal with harsh judgments from parents, relatives and even the annoying kid who lived down the block! When we unconsciously absorb warped beliefs and behaviors around money, we carry these forward creating patterns that continue throughout our adult lives.

On the opposite end of the spectrum from being fiscally irresponsible by overspending, is a person who earns a considerable income yet denies herself simple pleasures out of an irrational fear there won’t be enough.  When we trace their beliefs back to childhood, they often uncover shame around growing up with not enough to eat or dressing in hand me down clothes.  Others share memories of having their allowance or part time job money turned over to parents without any say in how it was spent. These individuals internalize a sense of powerlessness and deprivation only to recreate this pattern through punishing spending habits as adults.  Denying oneself a new car when the old one is falling apart, making excuses not to join friends for dinner to forego treating yourself to a night out or passing on a gym membership may be signs of deprivation that need recalibrating.

All of these personal discoveries are “gold” in that they lead straight to one’s inner child who though hidden, is still alive inside each of us dictating the actions we take.  Often times these choices do not accurately reflect a person’s current financial situation. The real challenge is to uncover these patterns as the first step towards changing one’s paradigm around money.

Decisions relating to money can be very fraught with intense emotion, making it difficult to act rationally.  Once the connection between inner child and adult is established, a healthy compromise can be struck between the two, thereby permitting both “childlike” needs and “adult” reasoning to create a balance. Ignoring one’s inner child can come at a huge cost. It is important to have someone you trust help work out these feelings so you can move ahead with your life in a healthier relationship with your money.

Are You a Restrictor or Permitter?

Identifying Your Personal Characteristics of

Spending and Saving

Isn’t it strange how women are much more comfortable talking about sex than money?  Gather a group of women together and start asking questions about sex; and before you know it, the room fills with laughter as voices rise to a crescendo.  Then turn to the subject of money and the same women suddenly go silent, eyes gazing down, fascinated with their fingernails or shoelaces.  This happens repeatedly in workshops I lead. Why is that? What is it about the subject of money that makes us crawl into a shell feeling inadequate and intimidated? 

Let’s face it- money is a loaded subject for most women.  In order to get clear on how you’ve arrived where you are in relationship with money, you must first identify underlying attitudes and beliefs directing your actions and decisions.

Wait!  Don’t stop reading yet! There will be no judgement here!  You will not be criticized, talked down to nor reprimanded in this article. In order to effect change, it’s essential to first identify the how’s and why’s behind your choices including any avoidance techniques you’ve perfected as a quasi-coping mechanism.  Identifying spending and saving styles allows a Solo Mom to understand how you act with your money, why you spend either too much or too little on yourself and what your inner voice keeps telling you to do.  Understanding your idiosyncratic tendencies and unique behavioral patterns is the first step towards improving your financial picture. Instead of criticizing yourself, give yourself a pat on the back for continuing to read on without clicking to another page. Always remember that our thoughts create our beliefs, which create our actions which in turn, create our reality.

Now let’s focus on the two types of relationships people have with money, the first being either as “Restrictors” or “Permitters”.  Restrictors believe in scarcity and are of the opinion they don’t deserve to spend money on themselves. They operate from a place of deprivation and derive pleasure in seeing how little they can exist on.  Conversely, permitters numb themselves with overspending and have no sense of limits based on what they realistically can afford.  Permitters often ignore credit card statements, refusing to accept responsibility for their actions. This can lead to escalating stress and hardship.

Right away, you may draw the conclusion that restrictors are “more together” than permitters and that is not true.  Being stingy with yourself may cause you to miss out on opportunities for career enhancement, improved self-esteem and enhanced wellbeing. Treating yourself to a health club membership, massage or a new pair of shoes can make a huge difference in your outlook. Restrictors often convince themselves they are happy, confusing righteousness with contentment, which can lead to resentment and bitterness. Permitters are motivated by indulgence that, taken too far, can cause chaos in one’s life. Allowing one’s inner child to wreak havoc on your adult life makes for an impossible situation.

Even if you don’t completely identify with either description, you will see tendencies of one or the other in yourself.  The important point is to recognize these attitudes and notice how they effect decision making with regards to money.  Now that you are aware of these two character traits, listen carefully to the inner voice counseling you each time you pay the bills or purchases are made.  Tune in particularly when it comes to spending money on yourself. 

Another characteristic used to evaluate personal relationships with money is whether you are a “doer” or “dawdler”.  Doers make lists of things to do, accomplish them one by one and get satisfaction in crossing them off once completed. Doer’s create budgets, projections and monitor spending. Doers get things done! Dawdlers often make the same kinds of lists with the best intentions yet don’t follow through.  They get overwhelmed and discouraged by the enormity of the tasks. There are legitimate reasons for being cautious when making important financial decisions but if you continue to procrastinate, this will be a serious inhibitor on the path to financial success. 

It can be daunting to acknowledge and accept that the choices you make have brought you to this exact moment in your life, but take pride in knowing that you are also the  one capable of changing it, too!  Don’t surrender to despair!   It is within everyone’s reach to identify sabotaging behaviors, stop making excuses and begin transforming attitudes and behaviors around money.

Resist the urge to judge yourself. Permit yourself to envision the kind of freedom you deserve without the worry or concern that comes from not being truthful with yourself.  The saying “knowledge is power” definitely applies to your finances.  The more you understand why you make the choices you do, the easier it will be to modify them thereby creating a healthy and flourishing financial future.   

Words from a Moolah Doula

"... this is where your
personal feeling of
empowerment begins to grow."

The work I do is deeply satisfying.  Knowing I am helping to free people from the guilt and frustration they experience on a daily basis dealing with money makes me feel I am contributing to the world in a meaningful way.  I understand how financial angst can dominate and overwhelm every aspect of life. Having the tools and compassion to free people from these issues gives me a deep sense of purpose.

We are living through extremely challenging times.  The disparity between those who have so much and those who are just making do continues to grow larger each year.  I work with people who are tired of feeling behind, confused and overwhelmed with all the complicated choices of how to make their hard earned money work intelligently (and safely) for them.  People are seeking honest advice from someone who is not looking to sell them something.  There are plenty of horror stories about people loosing their life savings. Others are laden with debt and don’t see an end in sight. It is easy to be overwhelmed by all the financial information we are continually bombarded with.  By the end of a long week, who wants to sit down and sift through bills, read mutual fund prospectuses or contemplate health, life, disability or retirement?

As a Moolah Doula - a name I use to describe the work I do as helping people give birth to a new relationship with money, I help people find solutions.  We begin exploring deeply held attitudes and beliefs about money formed in early childhood…ideas and thoughts created through experiences shared with parents, relatives, neighbors, teachers and friends.  These filters were set in place when you were trying to figure out the world and where you fit in. They have been carried forward through to adulthood coloring your perceptions and decisions every day.

After completing this eye opening process, clients feel a huge weight lifts.  “Every decision I make now feels much simpler, less tangled up in feelings and projections I never could identify.”   Once this foundation is laid, we take the next step towards focusing on personal values.  Are you performing work you value in an environment that nurtures you?  Is the money you earn being spent on the things you value most in your life? What are your goals for the future and how can you create a realistic plan to achieve them?

These are all important questions to address in a safe and non-judgmental way.  There are no agendas, no sales pitches and no false promises.  Think of it as financial mentoring.  I offer observations, suggestions and recommendations and then it’s up to you to make decisions, well-informed decisions.  It makes for a clear, directed relationship.  The decisions are all yours.  This is where your personal feeling of empowerment begins to grow.  And remember, the only limits are those you place on yourself.